On Days When Self-Care Seems Impossible #Bipolar #EverydayStruggle

This isn't a post as a cry for help, it's just things floating around in my head, and, well, I do have a blog, so here is today's bullshit.

For just one day I want...

1. Silence

I don't mean silence where I can turn a deaf hear to what is going on around me. The silence I require is the type where a particular pitch in someone's voice doesn't enrage me. The type where I can smile and not feel as if someone's laugh is pulling my skin so tight I can't breathe. Day in and day out, I spend my time with my jaw clenched and my fists tight to the point I have to shake them out to ease the tensed muscles. Noises of any kind seemingly harsher than necessary

Every day, I live with a rage so great I want nothing more than to put my fist through a wall. It's a struggle no amount of medicine, meditation, or coping mechanisms can ease. I'm just...angry.

Mending The Broken Pieces

A friend wrote a post this morning and emailed it to me. After reading it, I didn’t feel worthy of the words she wrote. The thank you for holding her hand. I don’t even think I’d still be here without her. You see I’ve been suffering from one issue or another since my teens. A few months ago, I thought I was having a heart attack. I went to the hospital, tolerated the tests and the constant wake ups. One of my cardiac enzymes came back funky so they admitted me. To be honest, I’m not the healthiest person and I’m coming up on the big 4-0.

Come One, Come All, It's NaNo Eve... Let the Caffeine-Induced Insanity Begin!

NaNoWriMo Eve, yep, it’s that time again. For the second time I am going to attempt to make the 50k in November. The voices in my head are an overwhelming loony bin. Adding two more and holding off on writing them until midnight strikes is a pain in the ass, but I already have five WIPs underway and one rewrite of a novella.